I really find it amazing how God can change a heart. Chris and I have been through SO much the past 3 years dealing with infertility. It really can cause a strain on your marriage and every other relationship you have. I pushed myself away from my friends with kids and pregnant women. I just didn't want to be envious and I knew there was no way I could be near them and not be jealous of what they had. Chris and I started out on our journey on the same page and slowly started to feel differently about fertility treatments and options. It's safe to say that my life has been "messy" the past 3 years.
But God is so faithful and good.
Chris and I knew we would have to make a decision in October about whether or not we wanted to go back to the doctor. I knew I didn't. My body and heart have been through way too much and I needed to be done. Chris was not. He wanted to keep trying. He hates seeing me on all this crazy medicine and being completely out of my mind moody but his desire to have his own children was still very strong. I started a new women's Bible study a couple weeks ago and it's from the book of Jonah. Most people are familiar-Jonah in the belly of the whale-but this is getting deep. We're talking about interruptions in our lives (Jonah's interruption being God asking him to go to Ninevah) and how we try to run from them (Jonah traveling to Tarshish and ending up in a big fish belly). The Lord put it SO heavy on my heart that my Ninevah is adoption. I run to infertility treatments (my Tarshish) because it's the complete opposite direction that God wants me to go...just like Jonah. I was a little worried to talk to Chris about it because I knew how he felt about having his own kids. We ended up talking and decided that adoption is definitely the next step in our journey. We filled out our preapplication with an agency and will be going to our first workshop November 12th. We could NOT be happier. I know in my heart that this is exactly where the Lord wants us to be right now.
We have several prayer requests right now. I'm going to bullet them because I'm a super dork:
- Pray for our hearts to be in the right place. We are very excited right now but ultimately want to hear from God and know this is His will.
- Pray for our finances. Adoption is extremely expensive and we're praying for the Lord to provide in a way only He can.
- Pray for our future baby who is probably not even conceived yet. Pray that God would put a hedge of protection around the birth mom and the baby.
- Pray for the baby's birth mom (and family). The agency we're planning on going through counsels pregnant women to not abort babies. Once moms make that decision, a small percentage choose adoption. Some choose to keep the child. No matter what their decision, they counsel the mothers and teach them the love of Jesus. I'm praying that this adoption will be a TRUE miracle of God-that we will be led to the child God created just for us, that the mother would be led to Christ, and that everyone we interact with is changed by this testimony. We've prayed for a miracle for 3 years not knowing that God could do it in a MUCH BIGGER way than we expected. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us. Ephesians 3:20
I really can't write about this with out crying. If you would have asked me 1 year ago if I would be interested in adoption I would for sure have said no. Now we could not be more excited about the future. God is truly so good.