First off, I really didn't realize how many people read this until I started getting really vulnerable. I'm excited to know that people are following along our journey, even though this blog is mostly kept for me. I don't even think my family reads it. I originally started it because I wanted to be able to look back at what the Lord had done with our infertility but I never thought I would still be writing about that very thing 3 years later. Now to think we're beginning the adoption process makes it SO crazy. I guess what they say is true, NEVER SAY NEVER. I never thought we'd be looking into adoption and now I can't stop thinking about the wonderful gift adoption is. Anyway...all that's just a side note :)
I was reading through a blog the other day and found something written about infertility. I read it and I hardly felt like I related anymore. I have spent YEARS reading infertility blogs and spilling tears over what others had written because I felt the same way. I've read blogs who had fertility issues and then watched them have children, again with tears falling only this time from envy. But something feels different now. I just feel peace. I feel like I'm in a waiting period but my waiting period actually has an end in sight. The end is just a tiny speck right now because it's so far away but it's definitely there. This thing I read on infertility didn't hurt like it use to. I could COMPLETELY relate but I didn't share that emotion with the writer anymore. I no longer look at myself as INFERTILE. I look at myself as WAITING. Waiting for a selfless birth mom to give us the child that God had always intended to be ours. Waiting to meet a child that was not created BY us but was created FOR us. Waiting to have a sweet family that the Lord planned from the start. Three years ago, He knew the end. He knew how hard my heart would break and exactly how He would mold it into something new. He knew I would become incredibly vulnerable and He would use it for His purpose. He planned this from the start and I'm so thankful He never took His eyes off me. I'm thankful that in the end, we will be in His will. Although this is not anywhere near what I thought my life would look like or how I would become a parent, the Lord always did. For that, I am thankful.