You Won't Relent (Seal)

I'm COMPLETELY obsessed with this song right now. What an amazing description of God's love for us.

Awesome, huh??

Prayers Needed

Y'all, my heart is just BREAKING tonight. Our church in STL is going through something extremely devastating and there is nothing anyone can do right now but pray.

A woman from the church, with a 9 year old daughter, shot her husband 5 times this morning, reportedly in front of the 9 year old. He is alive but in critical condition. He still has several life threatening wounds so there is no certainty that he will pull through yet.

It's one of those situations that I really don't know who I'm hurting for. I mean obviously, I'm hurting for the poor man as he sits in the hospital but the poor, poor daughter. NINE YEARS OLD people. Her mommy is in jail and her daddy is in critical condition. My biggest concern at 9 years old was whether my mom was going to let me wear shorts to school. I can't imagine having to deal with this.

I really can't stop thinking about what went through the wife's head to think this was a good solution to whatever the problem was. I mean, let's face it, we've all been angry with our spouses. I'll even go so far to say I'd like to slug him one but N E V E R would I even consider shooting him, and I think it's safe to say she was shooting to kill (FIVE gunshots???). And these are not crazy people who had fights every day....these are people who love Jesus. People who know Jesus as their Savior. I'm not saying that when you come to the Lord your problems are wiped away but man, you just don't think of good Christians flying off the handle like that. It hurts my heart to think how quickly someone could fall from walking with the Lord to an incredible act of violence. Like my dad said, we are always just one phone call from our knees. That is so true isn't it?

Will you join me in prayer? Pray for the husband's healing, physically now and mentally as he becomes stable, the wife's heart-that she would realize what she has done to her family and lay herself before the Lord completely broken, asking for forgiveness from her Father, and for the daughter to have the Lord's peace swarming here. Pray that she would learn at the young age of 9 how to lean on Jesus as her Comforter, Provider, and Healer.

2 years of infertility

I was reminded quite a bit this past weekend about us still not being pregnant. I very rarely check my email at home but I checked it randomly on Sunday morning. Apparently I signed up when I found out I was pregnant on some website that tells you what's going on with the baby/your body and received an email from them. The email title was "Today you're 32 weeks." I lost it. I would be having showers, the nursery would be set up, I would know the sex. I have done SO well at giving that to God but I feel like grabbing it back now, ya know?

I have a friend who has been trying to get pregnant for as long as we have (did I mention this month is our 2 year anniversary of trying?). She is 35 and getting very impatient. This month they did IVF and found out this weekend that she is pregnant (not blood test confirmed yet but positives on 5 HPTs). I was SO happy for her I cried. I've never been so happy for another person in my life. Then the bitterness and greed set in. I now have no one on this journey with me. I HATE being that way because she is my friend and I'm SO happy for her but I want it so badly for myself. The longer I struggle with infertility, the more I see my sinful nature.

After the kids left today, I put my ipod on. A song came on and IMMEDIATELY sent me into tears. It's exactly how I feel about my sinful nature and why God allows us to go through these things. I thought I would post it...maybe it will help you where you are at too.

Let it all out
get it all out
rip it out remove it
don't be alarmed
when the wound begins to bleed

cause we're so scared to find out
what this life's all about
so scared we're going to lose it
not knowing all along
that's exactly what we need

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
but tomorrow, upon hearing what I did
I will stare at you in disbelief
oh, inconsistent me
crying out for consistency

and you said I know that this will hurt
but if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

and I'll let it be known
at times I have shown
signs of all my weakness
but somewhere in me
there is strength

and you promise me
that you believe
in time I will defeat this
cause somewhere in me
there is strength

and today I will trust you with the confidence
of a man who's never known defeat
and I'll try my best to just forget
that that man isn't me

reach out to me
make my heart brand new
every beat will be for you
for you

and I know you know
you touched my life
when you touched my heavy heart and made it light