Chris LOVES Hide and Seek

My day started off AWESOME. By awesome I of course mean totally stressful and the worst morning ever.

Last night Chris and I went to the grocery store. No big deal. Chris drove us home, we unloaded the groceries, and had a great end of the night. No big deal.

This morning, I got ready for work and just like every morning, I'm running like 10 minutes late. I grab my purse, coat, and run to the hook in the laundry room to grab my keys. Not there. I look in the kitchen. Not there either. Nor the kitchen, the bathroom, the couch cushions, the hamper, the trash, etc. You name it, I checked there. NO WHERE.

As I'm frantically running around the house searching, I'm calling Chris's cell phone 581 times. No answer. He's in basketball practice and has his ringer off. At this point, I'm in hormonal tears and can't figure out what to do. So I call his school. I get my crazy stalker wife on and tell the secretary the story and she pages him. Chris calls me and has no idea where they are. I'm so crazy at this point I pretty much just demand that he comes to pick me up so I can get to work. He's good with that. About 2 minutes later he calls back and tells me to look in the backseat of the car where the groceries were. Guess what? There were the dang keys. He texted me sorry 101 times and now things are all good. Did I mention this is the same guy who lost his cell phone and found it in a potato chip bag?? Good thing my husband is so stinkin likable because I thought I might kill him and I would not look pretty in an orange jumper. :)

Isn't that a fun game? If you want to borrow him for a day or so to see what other tricks are up his sleeve, I'll let you!

13 weeks

I'm 13 weeks!

I haven't decided if I'm going to post one of these every week or not but I do want the memory of exactly what I was feeling throughout this pregnancy. This is 4 days late, I change weeks on Saturdays.

Pregnancy Highlights:

How Far Along: 13 weeks

Size of baby: the size of a peach (2.9 in and .81 oz)

Total Weight Gain/Loss: About a pound
Maternity Clothes: not so much. I can't button any of my pants so the Belly Band has been my BFF. That thing is amazing! I may need to use it after pregnancy to hide the good ole muffin top...HA!

Gender: Don't know yet but can't WAIT to find out. We will be so excited either way :)

Movement: Nope. Can't wait for that day!

Sleep: All the time. Still. I though energy was suppose to come back in the second trimester??

What I miss: Coffee. I've tried drinking organic decaf but coffee doesn't even taste good. I really, really want it to!

Cravings: Anything salty. Or sweet. I guess just food. Sometimes things will sound SO good and then I start eating them and hate it.

Symptoms: Tired, major growing belly. I think the nausea may be leaving but it still comes and goes. I was mostly getting sick at night.

Best Moment this week: Getting to meet Jason Garret and Terrence Newman at my brother in law's event for his foundation "Get in the Box". I'm so mad I didn't think to get autographs for the baby book!

Want to see a miracle?

God is so unbelievably good. Want to see how good?

Can you even believe that? Here's the story.

Chris and I were 100% ready to adopt. After 3 years of trying and 2 miscarriages, I was done. I wanted much more to be a mother than to be pregnant. Chris completely agreed and we dove head first into the adoption plan as I'm sure has been very evident through this blog. We began fundraising, went to the first meeting with the adoption agency, were tracking families, etc. I truly believe that the Lord wanted us to start the process and through it He has brought some amazing stories and great friendships. Pregnancy was COMPLETELY off the radar. I didn't care about being pregnant, just wanted to be a mom.

And then it happened.

Chris and I were in St. Louis visiting my family for Thanksgiving. I was a few days late but didn't think much of it because being a few days late is not completely abnormal for me, especially after my miscarriage in July. Chris really wanted me to test and I was incredibly frustrated with him. I was finally fine with not being pregnant and all he wanted was for me to test. I waited several days because I was crampy and then Chris finally talked me into it. He went into Walgreens, bought the test, and we headed home. I went in the bathroom with the test and really was pretty angry. I've taken a TON of pregnancy tests and even the ones that were positive never ended well. It seemed like this whole pregnancy thing was just not for us. I waited for the words to pop up on the screen and there it was-PREGNANT. I have never felt anxiety like I felt in that moment. I walked out of the bathroom, looked at Chris and said "You're not going to believe this". We both just started laughing! What in the world? I've tried FOREVER to get pregnant and now I pregnant in the middle of this adoption process! I called my doctor in Texas immediately and they called in a prescription for progesterone right away. I started taking it that day. I'm so thankful my doctor was so gracious to do that without ever seeing me or confirming the pregnancy. After 2 losses, my heart couldn't handle another one.

My doctor has done a TON of sonograms because of my history. Get ready for some pics!

Here's baby at 5w5d. I about went in to cardiac arrest because the gestational sac measured a week small. I off course thought that I had lost the pregnancy because of my history. Let's just say sonograms have not been friendly to me. After that ultrasound, I was totally discouraged. I mentally prepared myself to lose the pregnancy. I know that sounds terrible but I just knew that it was too good to be true. The doctor was not concerned with the measurement but put me on high risk because of my history and asked me to come back in two weeks.

We went back to the doctor and saw a sweet heartbeat and only measured 3 days small. The heartbeat was the most INCREDIBLE thing I have ever heard. The first fetal heartbeat measured at 130.

Here's baby at 8w2d and measuring 8w1d. The fetal heartbeat this time was 180! I drank a Sprite before and I think baby may have had a sugar rush. My doctor said everything looked great and she saw no reason to keep me high risk. WOOHOO!

The latest and greatest-sweet baby at 12w2d. The heartbeat was 158. I still cannot believe that I am carrying a baby. It has been such a journey to get here and I am reminded every time I look at my stomach how amazing God's faithfulness is.

Thanksgiving

I love Thanksgiving. Like love it so much it may be my favorite holiday. I love it not just because you get to stuff your belly full of ridiculously delicious foods that you hardly ever eat outside of the holiday (like cranberry sauce, my FAVORITE) but because it is so very important for me to reflect on what I have to be thankful for. Because I'm a teacher and get to teach Thanksgiving year after year, I am reminded how the pilgrims had NOTHING-in fact lost a ton of friends and family-and still believed it necessary to thank God for His many blessings. Amazing role models.

I am in a season of my life where I am so unbelievably thankful. I know I have said it over and over that God keeps providing in this situation (and you'll probably continue to hear it over and over so it you don't like it, you may want to stop reading!) but it is truly amazing. The love, support, and encouragement from every person who knows our situation is crazy. I was prepared for people to tell me terrible stories. I was prepared for people to ask us why we weren't going further with fertility treatments. I was prepared to have to explain all the details of how God had called us to end the roller coaster ride and called us to adopt. And I've never had to do any of those things. I've had lots of hugs. Lots of prayers. Lots of beautiful stories. Lots of LOVE. And for that, I am thankful.

My friend has decided to help Chris and I fund some of our adoption costs by doing a Scentsy fundraiser. Not sure if you know much about Scentsy, but they're pretty incredible. Buy the warmer and a couple of scents and your home will smell amazing. WAY safer than a candle, a great Christmas gift, and 30% of your sale goes toward Baby Crowder. If you are interested, click here. It will be shipped directly to your address so you can buy even if we have never met. The party ends December 6th to get everything in by Christmas so order away friends! I am SO thankful for your support.

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Happy Thanksgiving!

He Is In Every. Single. Detail.

I'm seriously so excited about my blog right now. God is BEYOND good. When I first started this blog, it was mostly to write down about us trying to start a family. I really wasn't sure what was going to happen in my life or if anyone would ever read it. Now I'm hearing from people experiencing infertility who are just happy to read about someone else dealing with what they're dealing with. I hear from people who want to help us with fundraising and finding babies. It's so awesome to hear from some who are experiencing some sort of emotion from reading and I pray that emotion is them feeling God's presence from our faith. That is my biggest prayer for this journey. That we would be such a testimony of God's unfailing love EVEN in our struggle. That people would see our faith and learn to trust Him with whatever their situation is. We've quickly learned that we can't do one. single. bit of this on our own.

This week has been CRAZY. My mom, sister, and tons of others have been posting my blog on Facebook. Right now we intend to pursue an agency but we know that there are often private adoption opportunities and we want to get the word out that we are looking for an adoption plan. My mom posted my blog and a client of hers read it. She is in a group through a hospital with a pregnant girl in it looking to make an adoption plan. My mom's client talked to her and she was willing to talk to us. I got her number Tuesday and was told to call her sometime after 6.

Are you ready to see God show up BIG TIME?

A pastor's wife and I led the preschool VBS worship this summer. Our church is pretty big so I really haven't seen her since then. I talked to her when I miscarried back in July and that was really the last we have spoken. Tuesday she calls me. She wanted to ask me about a Mary Kay event and that for some reason, the Lord had put me really heavy on her heart and she just wanted to see what was going on. I called her back after work and told her I knew exactly why I was on her heart-we were choosing to adopt. She started crying. Immediately she starts spouting off women at our church who have/are adopting that I could talk to. One woman really could use a friend that did not have children at this time (trust me, I know that feeling SO well) and another was adopting her baby next week. I ended the phone conversation amazed that God would put me on some one's heart who does not even know our situation.

It gets better.

Five minutes later, the girl who is adopting next week calls me. I have NEVER met her before or really know who she is. Here's her situation: adopting a baby privately through a family friend situation in another state. Here's our situation: have a private adoption opportunity through a family friend situation in another state. Hellllloooo! I couldn't make that up! God is SOOOOO good to provide EXACTLY what we needed the exact day that we needed it. I'm crying writing it. I don't know what will happen with this situation with us but I do know that I needed to hear from someone in this situation to know exactly what to discuss with the birth mom, what to look for, what to look out for, etc. The Lord put us on ONE woman's heart to connect us with ANOTHER woman who is experiencing the EXACT SAME SITUATION as us. It makes me so excited to know that He is present in EVERY step of this situation. I'm trusting that He is going to provide exactly what we need exactly when we need it. Seriously. So faithful.

Yesterday we went to our adoption workshop at the agency and learned so much. It was awesome to be in the same room with so many couples in the same situation as us. Almost everyone was dealing with some sort of previous infertility troubles, all of us were scared out of our little minds, and we all were excited to watch God's plan for us unfold. I love that this agency is so Christ focused and that all the counseling that Chris and I OR the birth family gets is Christ centered.

One last little thought: I am just so impressed with women who decide to make an adoption plan. Seriously...how SELFLESS? The Bible has so many examples of adoption (Jesus was "adopted" by Joseph, Moses, US as adoptive children of Christ) and I'm so impressed with anyone who can make that decision. In a world where abortion is SO easy (take a pill and you can have an abortion), birth parents are EXTREMELY brave. I just appreciate anyone who can make that tough decision to give a gift to someone. I can't wait to meet our birth family and Chris and I pray hard every day not just for our baby, but for our birth family. Our hearts will be forever grateful for their brave, selfless decision.

Provision Follows Obedience

Do you know what I love? When you're in church and just know that God prepared the message just for you. I know that sounds a little self centered when you go to a church of 3,000+ people but I know that the Lord was speaking directly to me.

I won't go through every single detail of the sermon (you'll just have to come to Valley Creek Church if you want to hear it :)) but it was gooood. One of the things Pastor John said that spoke directly to me was "Provision follow obedience, miracles follow faith". EXACTLY what is happening in my life right now. The second Chris and I said "okay, God. We'll do this adoption thing you are calling us to do. We have not one single clue what we're doing so please, please guide us", He's done exactly that.

Friday I let my focus get off the miracle that He is doing in this and my mind started to fill with fear. What if the birth mom changes her mind? What if no one chooses us? What if it takes YEARS? How do we afford this PLUS all the things we'll need for a new baby? Is it tacky to do a fundraiser or ask people if they are interested in donating? Will the baby feel connected to us? And on and on and on. I seriously could make myself sick with worries. I know very few people who have adopted domestically and I'm unsure of exactly how this is all suppose to play out.

Today, our pastor talked about not needing to know what things are going to look like in the end. God is leading us one step at a time. It may not make sense at the time or we may not be able to see what the end looks like, just put one foot in front of the other with HIS directions. I'm praying that no matter how long or short this process may be, that we would be sensitive to His leading.

Saturday afternoon, Chris went out to get the mail. A letter came from a couple who go to our old church in St. Louis and who are good friends with my parents. They too went through a terrible battle with infertility and went on to have a sweet baby girl through the miracle of IVF. They know exactly what we are going through and have felt God's call to adopt. Inside the letter was a check to help us with the costs of the adoption process. Chris and I read the letter together and just cried. We stood in the middle of our kitchen with tears streaming down our face and thanked God for his goodness and provision in this situation. Provision follows obedience, miracles follow faith.

Continue to pray for us as we follow His steps. Pray for our future baby. If he/she is in utero right now, please pray for protection. Pray for his/her birth mom to know when they find us that we are the right fit for her child. Pray that God would continue to provide. So excited to see the "only God" story this is going to be!

Something Beautiful

Every morning on the way to school, I talk to my mom on the phone. We usually just chat about what we are doing that day or what happened the day before and my morning commute is just not the same without talking to her. Monday through Wednesday this week, she took a little "mini vacation" to the Lake of the Ozarks with my dad for her birthday. Although it was weird not talking to her, I took advantage of spending a few minutes with God each of those days while I drove. On Wednesday, I turned on the Christian radio station and a song that I heard a million times came on that touched me in a completely different way now that my mindset on adoption has changed. Here are the lyrics:

Hey now, this is my desire

Consume me like a fire

Cause I just want

Something beautiful

To touch me,

I know that I'm in reach

Cause I am down on my knees

Waiting for

Something Beautiful

As I drove to work, tears filled my eyes. The Lord really used this song to work in me. During our entire infertility journey, I prayed consistently to get pregnant. I told God what I thought He needed to do for me. I wasn't asking Him to consume me-I was telling Him what to do. You would think it would take me less than three years to figure it out but I guess I have the tendency to be a little stubborn. :)

It's amazing what He can do to your heart when you become vulnerable and let Him.

I guess within the last few months I stopped praying to get pregnant. I stopped telling God what I wanted Him to do. I stopped praying and praying and praying and started listening. I allowed myself to open my heart to Him and not be bitter and angry. I knelt before Him and told Him I was ready for His will. No longer would I be like Jonah and run from His calling. When I started listening to His call instead of telling Him what His call needed to be, it was way more beautiful than what I was asking Him to do. He's using this area of heartbreak and turning it into something beautiful. He's taking an unfortunate situation from a birth mom and turning it into the most beautiful gift we could imagine. He's taking average people and using them to bless us in a way that is more beautiful than I can describe. I just want something beautiful.

Please continue to be in prayer for us as we prepare for our workshop next Friday. We are very excited but we don't want our emotions to get in the way of important information that we will be receiving. Pray we keep our joy throughout this process and hear from the Lord before each step we take.

Here's the song if you're interested: